She Was Unhappy

This picture makes me chuckle every time I look at it. B is very rarely like this, which is what makes it so delightfully funny. She is usually the most cheerful, cheesiest-grinning, photo-pose-loving girl out there. (PLUS, she was wearing her Batgirl t-shirt, which typically ensures perma-grin.) But, boy, she wasn't gonna smile for me for NOTHIN'. So, I have this picture, and I'm the one smiling, instead.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! featuring M

My sweet little M, as a Sweet Pea Pod :)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! featuring B

My sweet, spunky B, as Rapunzel.

The inspiration for the costume is, of course, from Disney's Tangled. A great pick for B, as she, too, is sweet, determined, kind, fiesty, and fun. :)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! featuring T

T, my lovely, elegant Angelica

This was an amazingly popular costume in T's size. Nearly impossible to find. I had to get a bit innovative to pull it together, but in the end, I think she was satisfied with it. :)




In case the costume doesn't ring any bells, she was dressed up as Penelope Cruz's character from the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

Fun times! She was greatly admired by all at the Trunk or Treat and chili cook-off. :)

Grandpa and Grandma Moments

Baby Blessing

This is about as good as it got for the special day. I guess M didn't enjoy all the attention. ;) He still looks handsome, though. My mom and dad were able to be here for the occasion, which made it even more special. Thanks for making the sacrifice to be here!!

Happy Birthday to Our Beautiful Girls!!

I asked the girls if they wanted to combine their birthday celebrations this year, or do things separately. It made me smile when they said they wanted to share, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do. :) They decided they would like to go to a play. That also made me smile. :) So, we got tickets to Pinkalicious at the Emerald City Theater in Chicago.

We stayed at Wyndam the night before, and then the girls and I went to the show. (Daddy, M, and Sadie drove around in the meantime.)

Here's the girls showing off all their Pink! Pink! Pink! gear before the show.

Meeting some of the cast members after the show. :)

Posing with the poster

I think it was a fun and memorable birthday, and I'm really grateful we were able to do it. I love my kids! My girls make me so proud and I'm so glad they are such good friends, even though they are four years apart in age. They are such beautiful, fun, lively blessings to our family. We love you T and B!!!

The Reasons Why

He's Here

It's Sunday, August 28. I know I should sleep, because the next day will be a long one. I also know there will be several long days, as well as several long nights following. Just as I start to doze, cramps rip through my lower abdomen and back. Ok. I can handle this. It's not my first contraction. Deep breaths. It'll pass. It does.

Only to be followed, fifteen minutes later, by another. Then another. Then another. This continues hour after hour, with the bloody show making its appearance around 3 am. Around 4:30 I stop trying to sleep and get up to shower, then finish getting ready to head to the hospital as best I can through the contractions (which are now about 5 minutes apart).

My dear friends Carolyn and Phyllis show up at 7 to watch the girls and Sam and I head to the hospital. There, I'm put on the monitor and given my IV. (I have to give a shout out to the nurse who did my IV. I am NOT an easy stick. She got me in ONE shot. Never been done before. High fives to her.) My doctor shows up and is excited to hear that Baby Boy was gonna show up that day one way or another. Turns out I am 50% effaced and 3 centimeters dialated. The show has begun.

I'm wheeled into the OR just after 10. My CRNA is amazing, making me feel very comfortable. Unlike last time, my anesthesia is in within 5 minutes and we're ready to rock and roll.

At 10:56, a beautiful baby boy, 9 pounds, 15 ounces, 20 1/2 inches long is brought into the world of light and noise. He brings his own noise, shrieking like an angry cat. Tears fill my eyes. It's the most beautiful sound ever. He is here, and that is now all that matters.

Meet Miles Edwards Schwegler. My new pride and joy.

Awaiting the Big Day

These girls are going to be such awesome sisters to this little guy! They have been such troopers during this pregnancy, dealing with Mom feeling so crummy so much of the time, helping out SO much, or just keeping themselves entertained while I lie on the couch and watch. :) They are such wonderful girls and I'm so proud to be their mother.

This "adventure" has been one that has stretched this entire family. Looking at Sam and the girls, it seems I'm the one who has come in last place in the "handling it with grace" department, but I'm grateful for the challenges, and the things I've learned, even if I could have or should have learned them faster. I'm grateful to have the opportunity for a third baby, and am so excited to meet this little man tomorrow morning! Check back soon for baby details!

Brand New View

I've been meaning to put this on here forever! A while back, T woke up with pink and goopey eyes so we took her to the optometrist. They had time for her to have a vision test while she was there, so we went for it. Turns out, she's got the crummy eyesight genetics promised. BUT, she got to pick out these sassy specs!! She's a doll, no? :)

July

I can't believe July is nearly over! And I haven't been on to post once. This month started out with our annual 4th celebration of watching the Winnebago fireworks at the Johnsons' from our branch. They have an amazing view of the fireworks, and kindly open their yard and home for the viewing pleasure of the entire branch. Sam was working a 24, so the girls and I headed out on our own. We left our house just as dark was settling in, so the fireworks had already started. It was fun to see Byron's, Winnebago's, and Pecatonica's fireworks all at once on our drive over!

The next day brought about something I have been waiting years for: the U2 concert!! Sam and I have never been to a live concert before, and who better to break that trend than U2?! It was an amazing and memorable experience. It was crazy hot, I was having uterine pains, and we got lost afterwards, but the music!! It was so neat to experience it with my sweet hubby. The concert was originally scheduled for last year, but due to Bono requiring back surgery, it got rescheduled. It was crazy to see a packed stadium of people who had been waiting an entire year for that experience. It was really cool.

Sam and I kept talking for days about how impressive it is that they have such a strong recording history, so many hits, so much energy on stage, and just plain and simple how AMAZING the sound quality was! Bono's VOCALS! I have heard several live concerts recordings, and often the quality just isn't as good as what they concoct in a studio. Not so with U2. And Bono mixes up his pacing and melodies enough that you know there ain't no lip syncing going on. It was really, really cool. Yes, I realize that I'm lacking in appropriate vocabularly, but that's simply because I'm awed by such obvious talent. It was...well, kind of humbling to be invited into view such skill, such passion, such....bodacity. :)

The following week we got to enjoy Byronfest with the whole family. I love this little tradition we have. Our little town has a mini carnival with rides and food and games every year. I love it because it's on such a manageable scale. Fairs make me so nervous with the girls, so this is just the perfect size. I didn't get to ride any rides this year, being huge pregnant, so I got to relish in the pure delight of watching my girls have such a good time together. I love that they are such good friends. It makes life so much nicer, particularly this summer where they mainly just have each other for entertainment.

The girls have been troopers. July has been hot. Very hot. Like so hot that even getting into our unheated pool isn't enough to cool me down to stay outside for longer than five minutes without getting sick. Gratefully, the girls are excited about the room makeover we've been slowly working on, and that keeps them distracted most days. Plus, the novelty of having a bedroom full of mattresses (which is what B's room is right now as we work on transforming T's) hasn't quite worn off yet, thankfully.

We also got to have another ultrasound this month, which was fun. The entire family crowded into the room to see the little one. It seems he's not going to be quite so little :) but it was fun to see him. We didn't really get any good pictures of him (which has kind of been a frustration for me) but he's healthy and extremely strong, so we're happy. Last night, Sam and I were lying on the bed talking and he had his hand on my belly. Suddenly he gets this surprised look on his face and goes, "Woah! He's really moving around in there! Or am I just imagining it?" He wasn't imagining, but I had to laugh because this little boy moves around all the time and what Sam was feeling was little league. I was surprised it seemed like a lot of movement under Sam's hand because compared to what Little Bean is capable of, it was nothing. Sam watched my belly for a few more minutes and then said, "How do you sleep?!" :) It's always kind of nice when the husband gets a taste of what wifey has to go through.

Both the girls were active in utero, but nothing compared to their brother. He seems to get really frustrated with the confines of the womb sometimes and will stretch the entire length or width of my abdomen. The width feels weird and tight, but when he decides to stretch the length, it hurts! The little guy pushes for all he's worth! And he's got the Schwegler strength, no doubt about it. And he loves to roll. He will roll and roll and roll for minutes at a time. It's crazy watching my stomach when he does that. He's got personality, for sure. I can't wait to meet him.

We sit at five more weeks until Little Bean gets here. I have SO much to do, but having anemia, and still such fierce nausea, etc etc etc, there are days it feels like I'm never going to be ready. BUT we have the co-sleeper, car seat, diapers, going-home outfit....that should hold us for a few days, right? ;) Oye.

That brings us a little more current. Life is busy and as always has it's challenges, but it's sweet, too. I'm so grateful for all my many, many blessings.

So Handy!

I found this system several years ago, and was instantly smitten. For all those of you who are frustrated with your canned food storage, or want to use your kitchen more efficiently, or just plain like cool organizational supplies, check out Pharoah's Storehouse.

Hopefully I'll have my pictures of my own system in the future! :)

Jitterbug!

I have been having a blast sharing old movies and music with my girls lately, and loving how they have eaten up the treasures from my past. One of which, B and I really got into today. This was my favorite song as a little girl.

Choose Life! ;) (That's not the name of the song, just a reference to the video. teehee)

Oh, my goodness!! This is so glorious! You MUST watch it!! And I want comments from all you 80's babies! George Michael's eyebrows? Huh, huh? And his short shorts? Woo, baby!! LOL! I laughed through the whole thing. What absolute fun. Enjoy!!!

Turns Out....

Remember "Norman the Lonely"?

Turns out, he is a SHE. Did you know that male Indian Runner ducks don't quack? Well, "Norman" does. She will henceforth be known as Nora, if we can kick the habit of calling her a he. ;)

It's the Little Things

My dear friend Joy sent this to me via e-mail recently, and it touched my heart.

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.'

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him...

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.’

He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!' There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.

I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books every day!’ He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.

When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.

He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle.

He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech.

So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!'

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled....' Thanks,' he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began ...'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends....I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.'

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the first day we met.

He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

'Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.'

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

'Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.'

There is no beginning or end. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift.

I have a firm belief in this, that with a small gesture you can make all the difference. I have been told of my actions having this effect, but much more importantly to me, I have had others follow promptings to reach out to me, and through that, have changed my perspective on life and how I feel about myself.

Some of you may have heard this from me before, but it was pivotal to me so I will share it again. Last summer, during a point of confusion and great difficulty in my life, I received a phone call. I was in a bad place, so I probably let the call go to voice mail when it came through, but it came from a friend who, bless her heart, admittedly "didn't know why [she] was calling" and then went on to tell me that she had been thinking about needing to call me for a few days. Please note, we weren't that close at the time. I knew her, I respected her, and I believed she had positive feelings towards me, but the idea that she was receiving and listening to promptings on my behalf, especially where it had to feel so awkward to call....

She went on to let me know that she was there for me and a few other lovely sentiments. But what moved my heart so much was when she spoke, "I want you to know that I love you." The power of those words, spoken with such sincerity, by someone with no obligation to say them, buckled my knees and brought me to tears. I needed so badly at that very moment to hear that someone loved me.

This message remains to this day in my voice mailbox.

We are God's angels and agents. His work cannot go forward without us doing as He asks. And part of what He asks is that we ask whom we should help. Many times it will feel awkward, and we might wonder why, or if what we do might make someone else uncomfortable, but we have to do it. It's for our growth, but at the same time, you never really know what kind of an impact you can make. And we will be responsible for those missed opportunities.

I believe that Christ attained His level of perfection in deep correlation to His constant devoted service to others. We've all heard the saying, "God is Love." There is a reason for that. Every person on this planet has their own personal struggles, failings, and pain. But we are not designed to suffer them alone. And the beauty of reaching out with love is how it beautifies and edifies every person involved. There are no losers in the scenario. Even if you reach out and are rejected, you are free to receive the blessings waiting in store for you, and I firmly believe, that the positive energy you offered to someone else does not go to waste. It plants itself in the other person's heart, whether they know it or not.

I know I'm preaching to the choir here on loving service. But what I guess I feel like I'm trying to say, perhaps for myself more than any of you, is that no offering is too small, particularly if its an offering you know Father wants you to make. As in my example, it wasn't anything as devastating as turning the tides on a suicide. Regardless, I would say that one phone call did in fact change my life. You never know the far-reaching effect you may have. But He does. Each of His children have particular gifts designed to build up and create goodness. We can't see all the time how our gifts might help, or even what our gifts are. But He does, and can, and will, teach us what they are and how to use them.

Thank you for all the ways you reach out to me and offer support. I can't tell you how the most basic of unsolicited encouragement lifts my soul. You each have so much "wonderful" inside of you. Thank you so much for sharing it with me, and with the world around you. This world...it's a more beautiful place because of you.

Bringing the Crew Up to Speed

2011. This year has been eventful so far. Particularly on the homestead. And...frankly...particularly in a negative way. We've had our share of successes, too, but *sighing and shaking head.* I LOVE Sam for his energy and focus and wanting to do this for our family, and what it has taught us all. But, what happened in the first few months of this year...well, they are exactly the reason why I didn't want to marry a farmer!

Growing up in a rural ag community, so much hangs on the crops. I remember from a very young age being on edge, worrying about the words "blight" and "drought" etc. coming up in conversations. I remember being so concerned about hard frosts and too much rain, or too little rain, or rain too early or too late in the season. I hated it. I wanted nothing to do with that kind of stress that was completely outside the scope of human control.

And, yet, here I am, back in the middle of it.

True, and thankfully, our livelihood does not depends upon it. But, I'm beginning to wonder if it is just as difficult on me emotionally! Okay, probably not, but still!

We had several does kid early this year. We had so many kids! It was awesome! Every time a new baby anything is born, it's a wonderful experience. I sort of felt, "Wow, we might come ahead in the game this time." We had several stillborns, at least one for each kidding, which was not fun, but as we only had one batch of doubles, it wasn't a big deal. Just one of those things. UNTIL the boys started dying.

It was concerning to me that all the stillborns were male, but when the other males started getting sick, it was a big deal to me. All these babies had the same sire and it was FREAKING me out. Was there some serious genetic defect he was passing on to his male babies??

One thing I've learned this year is that goats, as herd animals, won't manifest symptoms of illness unless extremely ill. I mean, there are symptoms, if you pay attention to your herd. You can tell if one of your animals is looking or acting "off," but if they are sick with something you haven't seen before, if you find them acting ill, like lethargic, lying on the ground, moaning, those types of things, your goat is already at death's door. To let on earlier is a sign of weakness reflecting on the entire herd, and the instinctive programming won't allow that. So, at death's door is how we kept finding our kids. It got so bad, I almost didn't want to enter the barn everyday, I was so concerned about what I would find. I got to the point that I didn't know if I could handle one more goat dying.

Every time, Sam and I would try to nurse them back to health. Sam's medical background is very helpful around the homestead, and it was nice to feel like we were helping a little. But, in the end, there was nothing we could do. Each time, we'd bring them in the house, tube feed them, give IV fluids, work to keep them warm. Every time they would improve, look like they were getting stronger and healing, and then....

It's rough raising animals that are "exotic" enough to the United States that vets don't know all that much about them, so we were doing a lot of trial and error and relying on the internet a lot. Finally, we were able to capture a stool sample and the vet did finally diagnose a parasite. So, we knew what to do with the rest of them, thankfully, but not before we lost three little boys.

And THEN...grrrr. In December we decided we needed a barn dog to fend off the possibility of the fox who decimated our chicken brood last year, including our rooster, returning. As it turned out, dogs are not the best guard animals for goats. One of our favorite kid girls was lost to this animal last month. Needless to say, we no longer have a barn dog.

Next adventure: ducks. Sam's been very concerned about our pest population, particularly the Japanese beetles that have been mentioned in previous posts. We don't want to use pesticides, so it takes getting a little creative, and looking into several different methods. One of them is DUCKS. Who knew? :) Not me. Apparently, they are great foragers. So, we invested in 20 Indian Runner eggs to incubate and add the results to our farm. UNFORTUNATELY, the egg turner got unplugged at some point, which left us with ONE surviving duck.

Dubbed "Norman the Lonely," :) he is something of a miracle. He should not have survived, and yet he did! We have our suspicions about his...um...soundness :) but he's kind of fun to have around, nonetheless.

Here he is, starting to lose his baby feathers, and his downy white is starting to come in. We don't even know if he's really a boy :) but he makes us laugh.

Norman loves to follow his people around. His favorite place to be is between our feet. LOL. This has resulted in more than one inadvertent kick that has sent Norman tumbling. Not enough to deter him, because he still walks there. Whatever makes him happy, I guess.

To make up for our losses with the Indian Runners, Sam ordered some Welsh Harlequin ducklings. We decided to not mess around with incubating eggs this time. (Hooray!) They arrived earlier in the week. Aren't they sweet?

We are also taking on the challenge of pigs again this year. I used to love pigs. Now, not so much. YUCK. But, it's difficult to argue with the striking argument the freezer full of delicious makes.



Sam's been fantastic, listening to all of my complaints and trying to rectify them. I didn't want the pigs rooting up the pasture land. I didn't want the huge holes in ground. I didn't want to deal with the smell if I could avoid it at all. I wanted the feeding and watering system improved. :) I really did not want to do pigs again. So, he did his homework, as he is so good at doing, and found solutions across the board. He continually impresses me.

I still don't like the pigs. Which is good, I guess, because they will be dinner someday. :) But, at least they aren't a "problem" anymore.

So, there you go, crew. :) That's what we've been doing around here, as far as the animals go. I still need to fill you in on all the work Sam's done in the garden, but that will be another post. Fun times! :) We love our little Serenity Farm!

We Have News...

It seems come the end of August, we will have one very happy daddy.

We are having a BOY!

We are excited and trepidatious about this new adventure...two girls set you in a slightly different rhythm, but I grew up with four boys...so, it shouldn't feel too unfamiliar, right? ;)

Our Misadventure in Chana

A few weeks back, we were out picking up goat feed. (Sometimes it smacks me in the face: "Woah. Our family really raises goats. Hm.) Sam found this local guy who mills his own feed that is supposedly superior to what you can find in the feed store and is similarly priced. So, off we went to Chana, about a half an hour away.

We've been trying to acclimate Sadie to riding in the car lately, so we brought her along. As Sam was leading her out, I noted she didn't have her harness on, and since Sam didn't seem concerned about it, I didn't grab it, or her leash. (Can you see where this is going?)

We arrive in Chana, and Sam gets out of the car, opens the back hatch, and goes to find the seller. I was doing something I'm sure very important in the front seat, and wasn't paying attention to Sadie. The girls, also occupied, weren't really paying attention, either, but they have the excuse of being young. :) Anyway, I feel the back of the car depress and turn to see Sadie has jumped into the back of the car. I have time to get out, "Sadie, NO!" before she's OUTTA THERE.

I'm out of the car and trying to chase her, calling to Sam to come out, screaming for Sadie to stop. I don't know how many of you are acquainted with how a Shar-pei moves, but these dogs are powerfully built and crazy fast. I run into the building to get Sam and by the time we get out behind it to find the dog, she is GONE. No sign of her whatsoever.

Now, I know the girl can move. But, we were staring out at very flat fields, that have yet to be planted. It was bizarre not seeing any trace. We stood there a few minutes, calling and trying to puzzle out where she could have gone, then walked around calling for another twenty minutes, trying to see if we could figure out even which direction she may have headed. I was fighting down my panic, which I don't do particularly well under normal circumstances. For my pregnant self, this was almost too much.

It was freezing cold, drizzling, and the feed guy eventually came out, so I picked my way back through the mud to the car while Sam took care of things. He told the guy what had happened, and then we drove around a while, asking anyone we saw if they had seen a dog they didn't recognize wandering around. No one had. By this time, I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. You need to understand, I tend to fall in love pretty quickly with any living thing under my care (plants included) but this dog....this is "Sam's dog." And my heart was breaking for my poor husband. My mind was reeling with what I could do to ease the blow, who I needed to call, wracking my brain for breeders we had come across, determined to drive however far I needed to to find a replacement that very day, and that I was absolutely going to get the new dog microchipped!

Sam was holding it together really well, even using the awful circumstances to teach our girls why it's so important to stay by mom and dad in unknown places. :) "Look how upset Mom is, and that's just over Sadie! How do you think she'd feel if this was one of you??"

After I don't know how long, but to me it didn't seem long enough, Sam said, "I don't know what else we can do." I stared at him, aghast. "We're giving up?" He shrugged. "She's nowhere out here." The girls both started to whine and protest, close to tears themselves. I said, "We have to at least check in the other direction." So, Sam drove back the way we had come and THANK THE HEAVENS! Sadie had come back to the scene of her disappearance and the guy we bought the feed from was trying to lure her to him with a dog treat. :) It was pretty funny, watching, knowing her personality. She wasn't taking that treat from him for anything. She wasn't aggressive, but had her nose in the air, smelling for us, and had this look on her face, "I don't know you, so, no thanks." He had a leash in one hand, a treat in the other, and he had, bless his heart, followed her as she had gone across the street looking for us.

I was so grateful and so relieved. I was touched that this young man had taken the time to keep an eye out for our dog, and had tried to get her for us. It seems like such a basic thing to do, but unfortunately, the basics of human decency are becoming a lost art. I wanted to hop out and give this guy a big hug.

So, we got our darn dog back. :) I'm so glad. She really is a big part of our family, and even though I never thought I'd want a family dog, much less an indoor family dog, I love that wrinkly-faced sweetie pie.

And now, she never goes ANYWHERE without her harness and a leash. :)

Pure Genius

I have fallen in love.

Adele - Cold Shoulder

Adele - Rolling in the Deep

She is utterly brilliant.

Hello, Spring!

Today is a beautiful day, with perfect weather. The sun in shining and there is just a tiny chill in the air. Perfect day for working in the yard. Which is so what I want to do. But, I can't fight down the feeling of needing to puke. Maybe it's the migraine, or maybe it's the baby. :) I've had far too many days with this feeling during this pregnancy. :( Always so much to do, and feeling too much like crap to do it. UGH. I survived the first trimester with saltines and ginger altoids, hanging on, hopeful for the promised reprieve of the second trimester. Cue second trimester: two days of feeling NORMAL! It was awesome! ....then the yucky came back. And worse, the saltines and altoids don't cut it anymore. Sigh. All this is compounded because this is our busiest time of year: prepping the garden, getting new animals, mending fences and making other repairs the winter brought to our attention, seeing to a thousand things around the farm, not to mention trying to get the flowerbeds looking decent, and caring for the yard. The inside of the house normally gets a little neglected during this time anyway, but right now, I'm pretty much useless! It's driving me CRAZY!! BUT, it is gorgeous outside, and that makes me smile. I am grateful for the shining sun, and that feeling this badly means I have a little life growing inside me. I'm also grateful for an understanding husband, and kids who help me when I get into my "I WILL get up and work for 15 minutes even if I end up in the bathroom afterwards!!" My girls are fantastic. I'm so grateful for our friends who are sharing the garden with us this year, and ALL the work they have put in already. I'm so grateful for all the friends I have on standby ready to help with whatever, should I ask. I'm so grateful for the hard times in life, because it means the Lord has enough faith in me that I can get through it, and knowing that I will be stronger afterwards. I'm grateful for the beautiful birdsongs, and the bright, happy cardinals flitting around. I'm grateful for the amazing world we live in that refreshes and revives, no matter what happens to it. I'm grateful that my body is well enough to bring another baby into this world, that my blood pressure is perfect, and that the baby's heartbeat is strong! I'm very blessed. So, I guess if I can't be productive in this lovely spring weather, then at least I can use this time to enjoy it? :)

Ok, I Know I'm a Total Gleek ;)

One of my absolute FAVORITES. AMAZING!! Thriller/Heads Will Roll (Tip: Make it full-screen, and enjoy!)

For Those Who Don't Know....

Baby Names

Names

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FANTASTIC SONG. And if you know the show at all, it'll bring on the tears and goosebumps. :D

Loser Like Me

A Good Freaking Laugh

Oh, my lands!! I saw this on Facebook posted by a friend the other day and had to share. This CRACKED ME UP!! And it was even funnier the second time.




Grrr....I hate how the blog cuts off half of it. Click here.

Smudges and Stains - for Sherri

A friend inspired me to blog in spite of not being "put together" today. She insisted how "unlikable and boring" it is to see only the good on people's blogs. While I have often used this blog to count my blessings, and to have something positive and fun to look back on, needing that exercise in gratitude, I'm deciding to brave the nasty today and just write, because it haunts me that I haven't been on here for so long. Plus, the idea that I might encourage someone else in their own battle...that holds great appeal for me.

And why have I been so long absent? Sherri nailed it. I haven't had anything pretty to say, or if I have, I haven't possessed the fortitude to say it. The reason for this? Somewhere in the summer last year, the world began to crack. In August, steam and sulfur began to rise from said crack and the first of the low tremors began to be felt. Not long after that, a gaping, seething fissure violently tore forth from that crack: a roiling, livid chasm, threatening to devour all who got too close. Trying to escape led to discovery of breach after breach in the ground I knew...rather, thought I knew.

The earth would quake for days, threatening to shake loose the very marrow of my bones. Then the deceitful quiet would creep in, during which I'd attempt to gather what hadn't been broken, or what seemed to not be broken, breathe, and move forward. Barely on my feet, I'd be knocked relentlessly to the pulsating ground again as the earth decided to show me yet again who was boss. No foothold, no sense, just constant battering. Jarring, aching, endless confusion and pain. Then the "quiet"....rinse and repeat. It took months of this routine before the planet decided to settle and find its new geography. The aftershocks of the raging earthquakes that tore the fabric of my existence can still be felt today. The continents are altered and still drifting, trying to find their new resting places, but at least they have not been swallowed up.

In spite of all this (and no, I won't go into details. I'm not that brave), I'm sitting here blogging. In my pajamas, with unwashed hair, unbrushed teeth, true, but still, feeling blessed. Feeling blessed that I can hear the cheerful chirps of my youngest playing contentedly in her room, smiling that she is happy, and for the moment, untroubled by the agitation of her recent past.

I've learned a lot over the past months. I've learned to forgive in a new way, and that includes myself. I've learned that I may NEVER get everything done. I'm still trying to come to terms with feeling alright with that one, and just be pleased that I am upright and mobile, given the catastrophe I lived through. Would I expect a survivor of a literal natural disaster to have a sparkling house and shiny children and perfect meals and the semblance of no dirty dishes, laundry, or toilets?? No! Would I expect this of functional, focused, and ordinary moms?? NO! So, why be so hard on myself?

Even as I type this, the fact that I have 1/4 sink of dirty dishes and a few baskets of dirty laundry and floors and bathrooms that need to be cleaned is bothering me. I smile to myself, realizing I talk all big about being gentle with myself, but I'm not. I guess the growth lies in that now I know it might be a little bit more okay if I were.

So, Sherri. Smudges and stains? You bet. Unmade beds? Check. Stinky sink syndrome? We've had that. Days in our jammies when we do nothing but movies and jigsaw puzzles? Absolutely. Is this acceptable? :) This is the part I struggle with. I yearn to be perfect. But it ain't neva gonna happen. Least not on this earth. :)

But, life does go on. We are stronger than we think. And the triumph lies in finding things that truly matter underneath the noise and clutter and nonsense the world calls "important."

If you come to my house, you will find mess. You just plain and simple will. It's a reality I'm coming to terms with, because it's more important to me that I clean out the rubble on the inside than the outside right now. As long as my kids are happy, fed, and mostly clean, I'm OKAY. From there, my responsibility comes in continuing to fight the battle that has been placed before me. And that battle, my friends, is bigger than poor housekeeping. We each have our own. We will each have times in our lives when everything just falls apart and gets shaken to bits. It's how we grow, I'm told. We all have tears and messes, pain and disappointments. Not only is this acceptable, it's essential. And we should maybe be a little kinder to ourselves during recovery.

So, you've been invited into the mess of me a bit more today. :) Thank you for the ways you have helped me clean up the messes of my life. I hope that when yours come up, you will let me know how I can help you with yours.

New Beginnings

It has been a very long while since I posted. Happy 2011! The new year always brings about reflection on the past and hope for the future. I hope that your new year has dawned bright for each of you and your reflection spurs great hope in your hearts!!