For T, on Her Seventh Birthday

Dear T,

You know the story of the day you came into the world. This day, seven years ago, I was lying in a hospital bed, after far too many weeks of being on my back, getting more swollen by the day. I'd been poked, prodded, stuck, examined, questioned, drugged...I'd had better days. Then my doctor came in and told me the pitocin wasn't working, that your heart rate was low, and they needed to get you out. Now.

You were 28 weeks gestation. That's 12 weeks away from the time you should have been born.

Never before have I been grateful for the way my mind freezes in a crisis.

Thankfully, we were in a choice hospital with competent staff. You came out, strong, vibrant, beautiful...and oh, so tiny.

But, I knew, even then, that you would make it, that everything would be fine, because you were a fighter.

My doctor told me how you came out like no other newborn she'd ever seen: with eyes wide open to the world, like you just couldn't wait to take it all in.

You still are like that. You drink in life. I love that so much about you. Your eyes are always so wide open, like you are afraid you might miss something wonderful if you blink. I love the light in those beautiful eyes of yours. I love the happiness and hope I see shining out of your face. And I love the strength I see. You are still a fighter, even if you don't fully realize it yet.

I love the way you waft and dance through my days. You are our nymph, our pixie, our ethereal sprite. You teach me of beauty, and delicacy, and sweetness. You teach me of forgiveness, and love, and loyalty. You teach me of goodness. You, my darling T, are the essence of good. Never lose that.

I'm so grateful for whatever choice or chance let you become my daughter, graced me with the honor to be your mother. I remember holding you as a baby, and having it wash over me that you were a cherished sister in heaven. I had yet to win you, to seal you to me forever. It was a humbling and beautiful moment. I hope I can live worthy to win you, because I cannot imagine my life without you in it.

Happy seventh, my sweetheart. I love you so much, and need you to know on this day with a certainty, that no matter where you go or what you do in life, I love you forever, everyday.