Tuesday, September 29, 2009

B, Turning Three

Happy Birthday, my funny little B!

What a blessing and cherished addition you are to the Schwegler family!

How fun to have you share your birthday with your big sister. I didn't want it this way. I was really against it. Really. But, so far, you two have been really great with it. You are lucky that your big sis adores you, even though you can be a little pill sometimes. :)

B, you have magic in you. The way you laugh changes people's hearts. Your smile...it's like nothing else. You radiate. You have such a power, surprisingly strong for one so young. You will impact many people in your life through just being you. You already do.

I love seeing how smart you are. You so readily learn, and jump right into the middle of everything like you were born to be there. You have such a mind of your own, which I'm grateful for, even on days when it works against me, because I know it will serve you well. I love how you love to make people laugh, how you love to have fun, how you love to just love life! You are always up for anything and it makes life that much brighter.

I am grateful for you, B. I'm grateful for all the ways you challenge me to be a better mother. I love that you won't accept sub-par attention and care from your parents. You demand what you deserve, and I love that. I hope you never stop expecting people to listen to and respect you. You are a daughter of God, and as such deserve this respect. I love that you make known how you feel, and keep everyone on track. You are a hard-task master, and our family is better because of it.

Thank you for joining our family three years ago, and bringing your light to share. Thank you for the sweet, funny, sparkly girl you are. You light up my days. I love you. I'm grateful for you. And I can't wait to see what comes next.

For T, on Her Seventh Birthday


Dear T,

You know the story of the day you came into the world. This day, seven years ago, I was lying in a hospital bed, after far too many weeks of being on my back, getting more swollen by the day. I'd been poked, prodded, stuck, examined, questioned, drugged...I'd had better days. Then my doctor came in and told me the pitocin wasn't working, that your heart rate was low, and they needed to get you out. Now.

You were 28 weeks gestation. That's 12 weeks away from the time you should have been born.

Never before have I been grateful for the way my mind freezes in a crisis.

Thankfully, we were in a choice hospital with competent staff. You came out, strong, vibrant, beautiful...and oh, so tiny.

But, I knew, even then, that you would make it, that everything would be fine, because you were a fighter.

My doctor told me how you came out like no other newborn she'd ever seen: with eyes wide open to the world, like you just couldn't wait to take it all in.

You still are like that. You drink in life. I love that so much about you. Your eyes are always so wide open, like you are afraid you might miss something wonderful if you blink. I love the light in those beautiful eyes of yours. I love the happiness and hope I see shining out of your face. And I love the strength I see. You are still a fighter, even if you don't fully realize it yet.

I love the way you waft and dance through my days. You are our nymph, our pixie, our ethereal sprite. You teach me of beauty, and delicacy, and sweetness. You teach me of forgiveness, and love, and loyalty. You teach me of goodness. You, my darling T, are the essence of good. Never lose that.

I'm so grateful for whatever choice or chance let you become my daughter, graced me with the honor to be your mother. I remember holding you as a baby, and having it wash over me that you were a cherished sister in heaven. I had yet to win you, to seal you to me forever. It was a humbling and beautiful moment. I hope I can live worthy to win you, because I cannot imagine my life without you in it.

Happy seventh, my sweetheart. I love you so much, and need you to know on this day with a certainty, that no matter where you go or what you do in life, I love you forever, everyday.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Goodbye, Whitman (This is a sad story. Even if you don't like cats.)

Whitman officially became a Schwegler as a kitten. He was a surprise for Sam. Though we had our own well on her way (I was pregnant with T at the time), Whitman and Curie (our other kitty I brought home that day) quickly became our babies. We were seriously the people who would talk about our cats to people like they were members of our family. Which, of course, they were. From day one.

He was such a funny little guy. His first day in our home, Whitman sat in the box all day, yowling, because he didn't want to be in the box anymore, but was too scared to come out. If you tried to remove him, he'd hiss like crazy. I cut a little "door" in the side of the box so he could easily come out whenever he was ready. I can still see his gorgeous little face, as he stood there, right in that hole, and cried. It was so sad and crazy-adorable all at the same time.

He's such a sweet-tempered boy. As a kitten, Curie would whip his butt all the time, because she was simply fiercer in nature. But that never stopped him from trying. He would prowl up and jump her from behind, only to be snatched in her front legs while she pummelled him with her back legs. Every time. After she'd beat him good (not really hurting him, of course), he'd finally wiggle away and run into some random hiding place. A little while later, we'd get a replay. He never seemed to get sick of being beat up by a girl. So funny.

Whitman survived moves from Boise to Rigby to Kansas to Michigan (where he lived with Grandma Deedie for three years while we were in school) to Illinois where he rejoined us once we settled in a house again. This was a huge adjustment for him, being around kids again. And this time, we had two instead of just one. And B...let's just say she loves hard. Whitman spent a lot of his day sleeping under the entertainment armoire, where he could be near the family, but no one could really get at him.

As soon as the kids went to bed, I'd take a book out to the couch where he could see me, but wouldn't feel threatened. A few minutes later, he'd join me and we'd have cuddle time. It worked well for us. I mean, really, he's a senior cat, and he'd sleep almost all day anyway, kids or no kids. He'd come out at night and do his romping and snuggling...it was a good system.

And then came Sadie.

She never hurt him. Not once. At times I thought he was getting used to her. And he maybe would have. But she just kept getting bigger. And, the more interesting this ever-growing-canine-giant found the feline of the household, the less we saw of Whitman. He's always been good at hiding.

Well, I'd go in and talk to him, brush him, feed him, take care of his needs. Except one. He wouldn't hang out with the family for more than a few minutes, and he could never relax while he was with us. So, most days, I'd just leave him to hang out on his perch on top of our boxes in the storage room. He seemed content there, and as long as I could see him and knew he was okay, I had to be happy with it. Well, not happy, maybe, but what could I do?

Then Grandma Deedie came for a visit. Seeing Whitman on his perch was very unsettling to her. She told us about her dog Bridgette who was misbehaving in ways she never had before. The catalyst? It seemed Bridgette missed Whitman.

Sigh.

She wanted to take him home with her.

I didn't want to let him go. T didn't want to let him go. B didn't want to let him go. But how do you contend with the possibility of making happy two discontented animals? It just didn't make sense to keep him here.

So, we said goodbye to Whitman.

Right before Whitman had to leave, we shut ourselves up with him, sans Sadie, to give the girls some good cuddle time with kitty. Whether this was beneficial or not, I'm not exactly sure, because once he was in the carrier, T's tears started. And didn't stop. For about an hour and a half. After which she continued to talk about him for the rest of the day. Oh, how that girl knows how to bleed my heart...

When Whitman and his things were all packed up in Grandma's car, we sat in the driveway and pet him one last time. T and I sobbed, as B hollered "Whitman can't go!" over and over. (Man, I felt like a piece-of-crap mom.) I choked out to T through my tears again why we were doing this. She nodded. Of course she understood. She's such a good-hearted, reasonable person. (But, how much does that matter when you are breaking your kid's heart?) She turned her swimming eyes on Grandma and got out, "C-c-can we come visiiiit him soon?" Grandma said, "Of course!" which made T feel a little better. Then we got up, moved out of the way, and watched Grandma drive off with our kitty.

Then we promptly fell on the grass and cried some more. Several minutes, lots more tears, many, many hugs and kisses later, we finally decided we needed some McDonald's. (I'm a terrible mother, soothing my children with fast food, but I'd just gotten rid of a beloved pet. You're a stronger woman than me if you could have said no.)

We're doing okay now, though we miss our Whitman. Take good care of him, Grandma. We'll come and see him soon.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Do Animals Go to Heaven?

This is a hard day for us.

This morning, when Sam went out to check the animals, he found Georgie laying on his side, rigid and frothing at the mouth.

We went right to work, trying to figure out what could be wrong. But, George was already giving up. We finally concluded he was in the final stages of tetanus, and there was nothing more we could do.








We brought the girls out to say goodbye, as he lay there, struggling to remember to breathe. Taylor asked me if animals go to heaven. This is yet another day, yet another way in which I am grateful for the knowledge of a benevolent Creator who is mindful of all He has made.

We will miss you, Georgie baby.